


moi je suis rien sans toi, et je sais

by ㅎㅊ도 (HChnD)



Category: TOO | Ten Oriented Orchestra (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Clubbing, Drinking, I think it's both, M/M, Making Out, Strangers to Lovers, after club actually, but it light, gay men, lapslock, no beta we die like men, thinking now their relationship is ambiguous so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:00:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27485425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HChnD/pseuds/%E3%85%8E%E3%85%8A%EB%8F%84
Summary: chanhyuk made him feel things, feelings that he couldn't name, feelings that he's never felt. chihoon didn't know what it was, but he knew that it was something... good. somehow.
Relationships: Cho Chanhyuk | Chan/Choi Chihoon
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	moi je suis rien sans toi, et je sais

**Author's Note:**

> back at me having fics (yes plural) to finish within the month but being inspired by other shit which makes me write a quick thing instead ✌️😗✌️ anyway dua lipa's new song/music video with angele was. something. that i was not expecting at all

“do you really have to go right now?” he heard the other speak calmly, one hand still around chihoon’s wrist. it made him pause his steps towards the nearby taxi, turning to stare back at the one who he had met only a couple of hours ago. the man - chanhyuk, he introduced himself before as - had dark hair covering half of his forehead, eyes fully focused on his own pair. he wasn’t smiling but he wasn’t sulking either. he was a bit… thoughtful. waiting. maybe even hoping.

chihoon fought the urge to click his tongue. damn, he was handsome, stupidly handsome. he had such sharp features that looked way too good on him. chihoon was well aware of that, he had stared long enough at his face, analyzed every line within the few hours they talked and drank and danced (it was still a blur as to how chanhyuk had managed to pull him towards the dance floor). he was also quite tall, and it made him envy that such man was actually many months younger than him, despite considered the same age as himself.

chanhyuk was charming, looked nice, and actually clicked way too well with him. with the little conversation they had done inside the club he already knew they shared interest in music, knew that he not only that but also loved dancing and performing as well. it was nice to know that, after all, once chihoon had graduated from high school he basically breathed music, lived for the stage, and meeting someone who was just so alike himself was… at least interesting. and with the question, the small question, once the night was supposedly over… it made him not want it to end at all.

“depending on where you’re staying you could come with me,” the dark-haired man continued, probably noticing the other spacing around a bit. “i don’t live too far, either. we could keep talking and it won’t take us too long.”

chihoon caught himself smiling at it, absorbing the other’s grin as he pulled him by the wrist. he let the taller man take him, silently following him. 

only by walking beside him, being in his presence, it was something different, it felt unique, it was an experience he couldn’t name. it wasn’t just a hookup, especially because they had barely touched each other the whole time. still, there was no denying that at least on his side there was attraction involved. but it wasn’t any kind of friendship either, they had just met and shared tiny bits of themselves. still, he felt very comfortable around chanhyuk, he was enjoying himself even by walking the quiet (or, well, as quiet as it could be) streets of hongdae. 

it was strange. but a good strange, one that made his skin tingly, one that made him expect for more, one that made him… joyful. full of expectations.

“you said you compose songs?” he once more broke the silence, walking a couple of steps in front of chihoon. he had turned around between words, walking backwards as he faced the smaller. 

he nodded. then he gave one step forwards. two steps. and then, when he was a bit closer to the taller, he licked his lips and opened his mouth. “yeah, uh… wanna hear it?”

“really?” chanhyuk mused. “i wasn’t expecting to get to hear it so soon.”

“well, i’m still quite alcoholized,” he gave an excuse, grabbing his phone. “besides, i have a lot of pride in what i’ve made.”

“good. you should.”

chihoon scrolled through his self-composed songs, clicking on one from almost a year ago and then rising the volume to the highest possible, not caring if anyone else could hear. the beat started playing, and after a few introductory seconds, he could hear his own voice. the lyrics about his dreams, about his passion, were still very relatable to the current him, and so listening to that made his heart felt a little warm. he caught himself smiling at that, lipsyncing along with the chorus. for a moment he had forgotten he was playing it to chanhyuk and not to himself, but once he did remember and he looked towards the taller, he seemed to be paying full attention to it, face serious and eyes closed, his index finger holding his chin.

once the final notes left his speakers, he paused the song and pocketed the device again.

“i hope that lack of expression is a good one.”

at the comment, chanhyuk scoffed and smiled towards the blond. “it was fucking good. you’re really fucking good.”

“well, thanks.”

“i’m serious!” he suddenly exclaimed. “that was really- _woah,_ it was strong. also very relatable to most youth who has dreams they think it’s worth running towards. it’s- woah. i loved it.”

chihoon hoped it wasn’t obvious that he adored those words. so, trying to hide his pleased grin, he started walking again, going past chanhyuk. he didn’t say anything, just followed the older beside him.

“man, i’m kinda hungry,” he admitted to himself, walking on a street that smelled like a market.

he wasn’t sure if his companion has heard it, voice so soft he could barely hear himself, but regardless, chanhyuk for sure could smell the food as well. “ah, wait, they’re still open?” he said happily, running in front of chihoon to what seemed to be a small street shop. it was late, way too late for those to be still working. but it wasn’t like he was going to complain, so he followed chanhyuk who was already vividly talking to the lady cooking some hotteok.

“i only have these two left for today,” she said with a grin, probably answering something chihoon hasn’t heard. “are you going to be getting both?”

“i think so, miss, just uhh- chihoon-ah, do you want one for yourself or would you rather share?”

the older of the two stopped to stare at the food to look at his companion. despite having met him not more than three hours ago they had already dropped formalities, as they were the same age, but even so it made his heart flutter for some reason. “uh, i’d- i’d love to have one for myself.”

“great. how much will it be for them both?”

“w- i can pay for my own hotteok.”

“i’m sure you can,” he replied immediately. “go get us a seat, i’ll get it for us.”

he opened his mouth, ready to refute, but instead, chihoon caught himself nodding and doing as told. it was quiet, really quiet this time: they weren’t in the centre of hongdae anymore, and despite being able to hear some of the loud music from the many pubs and busking performances, it was too far away from his ears. the atmosphere was quite calmer now, with more wind sounds than anything else. and, of course, of the food getting finished, the voices back in the balcony and then the steps of chanhyuk’s approaching figure. 

chihoon smiled awkwardly at him, quietly thanking for the hotteok he was given.

quickly, comfort returned and chihoon found himself listening to chanhyuk talk about his music, about performances he’s done, and once in a while, he’d open up about his own experiences as well. it was nice, it was soothing, and it made him much happier that he had not taken a taxi earlier. having more time with him, having this night last a little more, was truly something better.

“where do you live?” he was asked once their food was over, once they were back into their feet. 

“uh, not near,” chihoon admitted with a nervous laughter. “i need to take a subway and, well, at this time it’s probably closed…”

“oh, it’s okay, i can-”

“yeah-”

“you can-”

“it’s okay, really,” he smiled at chanhyuk, amused at his sudden shyness. “you did mention you live close by so i was expecting this would happen.”

“oh. right,” he laughed awkwardly, suddenly having his overconfidence gone. or maybe it was never there, it was just a way to hide his embarrassment. chihoon didn’t really know and he didn’t really care.

after all, this side of him had his charm as well. 

regardless of that, he walked alongside the taller, having songs blow up from his device now ( _“it’s only fair,”_ chihoon had joked, not that serious, but funny enough it had worked. he wondered if the thing that made him refuse to turn chanhyuk’s ideas down also made him feel the same way. he wondered if he too couldn’t deny him anything.) it was very, very different from the music he had produced in the few years he adventured himself into composing, which was a surprise. a great surprise, because not only it was distinct musically, it inspired him as well as made him even more curious as to what chanhyuk could do, what went through his mind when producing his stuff. he wanted to learn more about his style, his mind, _him._

“yah, you, kiddo!” someone shouted at them from one of the buildings. “it’s fucking late, turn that shit off!”

chihoon stiffened at the rude man, but chanhyuk just giggled at it as he lowered the volume. “we’re home.”

“what a welcoming neighbourhood,” he joked, hoping to ease up the air.

“yeah, they aren’t the kindest you can find. but with the price of the places and the living quality, i can’t exactly blame them,” he shrugged, opening a gate of a short building.

the place was quite simple, which was understandable as chanhyuk was a young adult in his early twenties living on his own. there was a small kitchen that blended into the living room, a toilet, and a very tiny bedroom. it wasn’t spacious, but it was enough for one. and, well, not uncomfortable for two.

chihoon smiled when the younger went towards the fridge and showed that he still had some bottles of soju in it. it wasn’t like he had expected the night to end just then. it was still too early, there was still plenty of time to enjoy. so he accepted a bottle and drank it carelessly, watching as chanhyuk did the same. one of them suggested playing music, probably the taller, as he started to dance to the beat. it was funny, considering that he was quite tipsy and giggly, so the blond could only laugh. even when he felt a hand on his arm, pulling him to dance along with his body, he couldn’t stop smiling and laughing. his head felt light, the music echoing alongside his and chanhyuk’s laughter, ignoring the possibility of getting complaints once again. no, he couldn’t care, not when he was so happy. when he had the other’s body next to him, his eyes looking at him, his voice in his ears.

chihoon felt dizzy. he felt hot, felt like his face was blushing, his heart was violent against his chest. maybe he was getting sick, feeling feverish. he didn’t know, but he did know that being with the taller man did him good. he felt good with him, felt happy, and he wanted more. their bodies were so close but it wasn’t enough. his eyes were on him, centimetres away from his own, but they needed to be closer. his pair of lips were still on his line of vision and that was no good. it meant they weren’t close to him.

he didn’t think. one hand went to the nape of his dark hair and he closed his eyes, tilting his head forwards. chanhyuk clearly felt the same, because there was no shock. no, much the opposite, he met chihoon halfway, resting his lips on top of the older’s, hands resting on his hips. it made him feel pride inside, glad that all this weird thing that has been around them wasn’t just sensed by himself, glad that he wasn’t reading in too much. so he fisted his hand on the taller’s sleeves, clung to him and deepened the kiss. it earned him a moan, which he swallowed gladly. 

chihoon wasn’t sure how much time had passed, he could only think of chanhyuk’s lips, tongue, body, his everything. he only broke the kiss once he felt his chest tightening, breathless, as he backed off a bit to stare at him. chanhyuk had his lips reddish from the passionate touch, eyes unfocused, breath also out of rhythm. it was a great view, one he wished he could see again. but instead, he just captured his lips once again, grinning when he felt the other respond just as fast. chihoon lost himself in chanhyuk, he allowed himself to just favour this moment, savour him, let his hands move around him as he felt the other’s travelling through his body.

eventually, he found himself lying down, over a soft surface with the taller man on top of him, but he did not care. chihoon had his hand on the back of chanhyuk’s nape, pulling him down into another kiss, one of too many to keep counting. in response, he could feel his body pressing down, his lower area stimulated and he caught himself leaving a broken moan in between kisses. chanhyuk took it as an opportunity to start kissing his neck instead, leaving soft touches and little bites that made his body shake quietly. the blond closed his eyes, allowing whatever he decided to do with himself, losing himself to the sensations. 

“shit,” chihoon said in between pants, hearing the other laughing into his skin. “ _shit_ , chan-ah.”

“are you enjoying yourself?” he teased, face back close to his, eyes staring up at him.

he turned his head to the dark-haired, making eye contact. “yeah. but i’m also getting sleepy.”

“damn, that’s contradicting.”

“shush, it’s probably the alcohol anyway. and the time. or, i don’t know, anything really-”

“you don’t have to give any reasoning, that’s fine,” chanhyuk interrupted, moving around the mattress so that he was no longer on top of the smaller. it was sad to have his warmth gone, but he was still near, pretty much serving as his big spoon, so he shouldn’t complain. “we can just stay like this.”

“that’s-” he cleared his throat. “that’s nice.”

“yeah.”

“and we can always fuck tomorrow.”

the other snorted. “sure. if you and i both feel like it.”

“…are you implying that hangover will stop me?”

chanhyuk made a face, pretending to think deeply about it. “yes.”

“i’m not that weak.”

“sure.”

“i’m not!”

he heard his companion laugh some more, which made chihoon puff his cheeks. not like he could see it. probably, due to the lack of light.

but it didn’t mind. chanhyuk was soon asleep beside him, reeking like the alcohol and sweat, but he didn’t put much thought in it. instead, he caught himself doing the same, enjoying the feeling he still couldn’t name until he fell asleep.

he still felt feverish, still felt like there was some sickness making him unwell. and, regardless of what that was, it was certainly something he caught by meeting chanhyuk. even so, chihoon quickly found out that he liked it. he didn’t care. he enjoyed this fever.


End file.
